All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
