Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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