You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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