Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
