So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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