He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
