look no pants
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
