I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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