I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
soo... how was my night?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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