Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize