I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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