That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
no, he came in my armpit
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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