I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
