it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
