Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
