people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize