he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
