bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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