I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
