we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
