i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wish you could order shots online.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize