I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
