Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
