I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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