her vagine was all disorganized.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
