Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sext me about skeletons
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize