i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
