it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Vodka?
Forever.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
