I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
