Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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