her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
