Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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