she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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