girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
