I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
