Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
