Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
