Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Let's get the cat blown out
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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