sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
