somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
