its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize