just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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