I wish my penis had an off switch
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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