i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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