I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
