Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there was a trapeze. enough said
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
