she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
