Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
