scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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