Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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