Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
