Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
