we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
