You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
