I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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