question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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