you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
