so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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