if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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