Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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