chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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