never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
