You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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