I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize