oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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