All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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