I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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