will power is for people who don't want to get laid
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
